Towards the end of 2016

So... it is now towards the end of 2016
a new year is going to start soon

and, i haven't proceed much.
I think i am now in the stage of finding a fixed direction to move on
like the melting stage of an ice cube...
the red and green shades as shown: -static condition/plateau stage

sorry if someone is actually looking for chemistry stuff here.
I am not teaching chemistry now...sorry if google brought u here.

Go back to my topic...

I graduated with a master degree, in the field of biochemistry and molecular biology
specific interest in human cancer, protein kinases, cell signalling and stuff like that.
From my master degree i develop interest in mass spectrometry too

But, unfortunately I couldn't get much of related job in Kuching, Malaysia right now
Mostly related to food science and pharmacy...or promoters (sales).
I'd applied to Sarawak Biodiversity Centre, the only institute i am really very interested in
cuz they are the only one i found to have good mass spec facilities....
But...*sigh*...I guess i was removed from the list. Not even in the waiting list.
No idea what happened.
They posted vacancies in end of November and it was like
MY PERFECT DREAM JOB in KUCHING.
most of the required job tasks are related to my background except i never deal with plants.
Maybe that's a big concern for them so they kicked me out of the list.
so...in the end I am kinda like jobless, still.

I actually got invited for an interview wanted to hire me to do food production stuff
and do food quality control and more...
which I have no idea at all.
I think it is not very wise to jump in the post with
them hoping me to know how to operate stuff just bcuz i have a master degree.
Nope. So, i rejected.

I think I am actually a workaholic...?
I feel very useless when i am not doing anything, like studying or working

So, rather than letting myself to wait for lab vacancies, I still stick to being a tutor.
Giving all kinds of tuition i can.
Previously i mentioned that I am teaching Biology (form 4, form 5, Malaysia syllabus)
Now I am teaching Maths and Add Maths (form 1-5) too
Later, I might consider teaching form 6 Biology provided there's request.
form 6 Biology is quite similar to Biochemistry subjects,
except they have chapters related to ecosystem which i'm pretty bad in...Anyway~

Everything is proceeding very little
If u're looking at the big picture, i might seem not moving at all
i hate this feeling
but i know this is the progress.
Many people are like me out there......(trying to comfort myself)
even the elders keep saying nowadays is pretty hard and unfair to the young ones

i know right??? what to do??? (say it with Malaysian accent)

I believe everyone will find a way to survive through
I just hope I can turn my head back someday to see how far I'd travelled
and feel grateful to be successful and having the life i crave for
and I hope my success in the future can overwhelm my guilty feeling for
getting a master degree as a biochemist but not using any bit of it

Nevertheless, I will never forget the great time I spent with my friends in the lab
and the opportunity given by my supervisor Dr. Cheng regardless
how bad my undergraduate results were that can actually disqualify me from joining Bio21.

ahem....my results were pretty good but there were so many much better results if compared to mine
Bio21 usually recruit students with most of the biochem subjects >80 marks
Most of my biochem subjects were <80
so....my supervisor was really good-hearted to let me in
But in the end i din upset him. I did well for my master! (said this proudly, HAHAHA)
Just that, i think i disappointed everyone in the lab for not continuing PhD
cuz i want to stay in Kuching
and PhD might not mean anything in Kuching for my situation

So, this year was not that good, but not that bad lah...
I just hope 2017 is getting better (everyone hope so)

Not sure should I say goodbye to my biochem
and focus fully on giving tuition?
I feel sad to say goodbye to biochemistry
I might still hold onto it until next year june-ish...maybe..sort of... I'm not sure
I know i might need to let it go completely but...
But I am just not ready yet.

Give me some more time before i kiss goodbye to my 'Biochemistry'
even though 2016 is ending soon.

Hope I can know clearly where i'm heading by next year...

Merry Christmas everyone~
Get ready for Chinese New Year.

2016年8月31日 古晋

让人兴奋 又 期待的假期
就‘特么’这么过了~~!

在8月31日，古晋是多么的炎热！
加上今年的天气比较奇怪，
整个人被搞得 头晕晕 没力气的

一整个早上要上班不说
回到家 没胃口吃饭
睡了一下午 口舌干燥
越睡越没精神

到最后还让热气集在体内
快发烧了！

什么假期这是... tsk
完完全全没有假期的感觉
更不用说是国庆日

整个人病恹恹的

不过至少有在家追韩剧..那什么 W的 韩剧。

唉~就是不爽我的假期就这么浪费掉了。

还我假期！！！！
怎么样都好
我年尾要去海边享受我的假期！！

SPM Biology Form 4

It's been a long while since i last blog.
The me in few years back couldn't imagine what i'm doing now.

Completely out of research field (at this moment...haven't give up on any vacancies that might pop out in the future), i'm heading towards being a tutor.
Started to have my own students. Teaching biology form 4. Form 5 next year.

While preparing my own notes for ma students, i was like
"hmmm...maybe i should upload this to my blog and share around? and see what will happen"
and so, here they are in pdf (the link below).
I started from Form 4 chapter 4 (Biology) cuz my students requested to start from here.
I'm now up to chapter 5.
following chapters up to form 5 last chapter will be updated when time comes. Probably will update the missing chapters of form 4 biology too when i've got extra time.

For my notes, it's pretty much from the textbook and some reference book, plus my own knowledge.
Diagrams, sometimes i draw, sometimes i got it from the net.
I often prepare ~20 questions at the back for students to practise straight after teaching, to kinda "print" the ideas into their brain. They are from the net too.
Sometimes i modify them just to make them shorter or change the language a bit, or draw my own diagrams cuz theirs are a bit unclear or not suitable for printing. You are more than welcome to use them. Credits to the one who prepare them and upload online.
Definitely these are not enough. I also look for sources from book store, and always refer to SPM past papers.
Anyway, feel free to download for your own use. Not for commercial use please. thank you.

Biology

Form 4 Chapter 4 (student's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReR2p2RUNFYlRVSlk

Form 4 Chapter 4 (teacher's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KRec2lkWmpXdjlOLUE

Form 4 Chapter 5 (student's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReZ3JnODYyQl9iSmM

Form 4 Chapter 5 (teacher's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReaG1xaTA2X2ZfTlE

Form 4 Chapter 6 (student's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReV1piYjR2dUd1OFE

Form 4 Chapter 6 (teacher's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReS1RSM2lBbTRsWG8
Note: for this chapter 6, there's a lot of drawings involved. I didn't put it into the notes because i'd decided to draw them by hand after i printed them out. And, i compact the sections of human digestion, absorption, assimilation, faeces formation and defaecation together into two pages. I design it this way so that students can do a summary on the page themselves after i finish teaching, and easier to look at when they do revision. So this chapter actually requires a lot more work to complete it before use.

Form 4 Chapter 7 (student's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReSW9EeVl5TmV1MUU

Form 4 Chapter 7 (teacher's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReSW9EeVl5TmV1MUU
Extra: Video's link
Gas Exchange Between Alveoli and Capillaries      http://bcove.me/d4y8dahr

Form 4 Chapter 8 (student's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReQ0M1UTA1VjN5S00

Form 4 Chapter 8 (teacher's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReUGhqdWt3ek93dE0

Form 4 Chapter 9 (student's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReUHFMR1ZocDc5TEE

Form 4 Chapter 9 (teacher's version)
https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzDXip6g8KReVjY1RUhyQ3dTcmc

Tasks that're still under progress............................

Form 4

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3

Form 5 ...
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7

爱情故事的稿子

那天灵感来了。没有时间，所以就抛脑后。
今天那个灵感又“咻”地经过，我忍不住了。

故事的非常大纲是述说一对恋人，爱得死去活来的爱情故事。
我想的模式 是电影。
这种故事，故事结局，他们没有在一起 才有意思。

其中一幕
是女的忍不住提了分手。
女的是艺术家。
分手那天她疯狂哭泣
边哭 边画。

她画了她的心情

不知道是苦累了 还是画累了
她趴着
哭完了 脑子里的画面还是没有停下来

她开始回忆起 他对她的温柔
他们欢笑的时光

她想起了  那仅仅一次 他对她说 “我爱你”
这次换来的不再是哭泣
她笑了 虽然掺和了点悲伤的心情 她又开始了另一幅画
这幅画 没有比原先的明亮
却多了一份色彩
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。
画完了 她看着看着 就躺下了
伸手抱着他送的娃娃
渐渐的 睡着了

梦里有他牵着她的手 温柔的眼光
在他要开口说什么的时候
她被惊醒了

是他的电话

深怕他下一刻就放弃
她立刻接了起来 等他说话

电话里头 虽然语调平平
他却是很生气 不能理解她要的分手

一个理智非常的生意人 不能了解 一个画家要的浪漫世界
。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

我还没有一个完整的故事。
我其实还在纠结男生的身份

我要男的理智 女的情绪化
女的要 轰轰烈烈
男的要 平平稳稳

女的纠结到爆 以为男的不说出 爱她 就真的不爱她
这就是她痛苦 甚至和男的分手的原因

很笨
不过这就是我要的效果

女的认真提分手后 我让她纠结 让她差点疯狂
因为她没有办法放下他
男的始终没有要分手
他打电话给她 要问清楚 发生什么事
想聊清楚 让她知道 他很爱她

却

我不让他们在一起
具体的借口 我还没有想清楚
可是 后面我给她接了个早逝的结局

这种情况 给个绝症最合适 （哈哈哈哈）
不知道有什么病适合给她 反正就是绝症

她提分手后一阵子才知道自己有了病
她知道后 更猛烈的画画
每天画 每天画

画的大部分都是他们的回忆 他们的爱情
最后一张 是他的肖像画
更具体一点 是她对他的思念。 画的是记忆中 他的脸孔

死去后 办了场 画展
纪念她 也纪念他们的爱情

故事的结局 是她的愚痴 让自己残忍的抛弃了他
她自个儿爱得轰轰烈烈
痛苦了男生
=====================================================================

这个故事
难的部分就是女的思想

因为我和男的比较像
比较理智一些 （或许这只是我的自以为）
所以我觉得我还是没有办法把女主角形容得要疯狂一些 要艺术性一些

忘了是什么
也是坐在电脑前
突然就被启发了

想想这种有矛盾的结合很有趣

我本人不喜欢 “爱就说出来” 的那种style
我是 行动派的

所以想想 一个行动派的 和一个...“话语派”的在一起
火花应该会很大

因为我这辈子 最讨厌只会说不会做的人
会说又会做的人 我也希望他能少说点
反正就讨厌 不知道为什么

就像有些女生讨厌蟑螂那样吧


对我的灵感
只能不断的觉得可惜

本人现在是研究生
曾今向往艺术世界

虽然科学家也是 一种有艺术脾气的人类
可是和艺术家差天差地
我除了忙着想我的实验 考试 和 论文
偶尔还会被一些灵感袭击

以前会写写故事 （虽然现在看回去 那些故事白痴到一个极点）
现在
也只能然灵感飘过

这次是忍不住了

本来想在fb发泄的
不过想了两次
觉得不太适合 因为太长了
会影响朋友们的心情

后来灵感来了第二次时，我想到了blogger
所以就


呼~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

像屁那样放了出来。
好了

到此..............

after few months I'm into it.

Was struggling when starting my master year in Melb.
Refuse to start.

When i first started, the life is full of confusions. Have no idea what i was doing.

My supervisor pushed me to play around with experiments to get a feel of what's happening. Then i finally get into it and able to decide what i want to do now.

I'm so into it now that i hate having classes but love to stay in the lab have fun with colleagues while busy completing experiments before the sunset.
I'm lucky enough to have my undergraduate friends to be in the same lab, same institute with me. But they are just going to spend 1 year there as honour students, then probably leave.
I'll meet new friends...but probably will be different and i wonder if i'll be in different attitude towards new friends.

Hope my supervisor get some interesting new honours, master or PhD students in next year so that i can have fun!!!!
It'll be damn boring if i'm just plainly doing my experiments and paperwork, even though you shouldn't play too much in the lab. hehe

I like it when there's a colleague in the lab early like 8 am in the morning to start busying the lab with you. I like it when we can have lunch together and talk about silly shit topics.....and like it when i walk home with friends after finish experiments and continue the shitty silly funny topics.
This year i'm happy and i appreciate it very much.
Next year will definitely be different and i'll suffer more to complete my last year. Anyway, i'll just need to face it, challenge it, and be good at the end and don't care how much i sweat for my final year. As long as i ended it well....of course i hope for excellent ending, but a good one is good enough.

I'll miss my friends for sure. knowing i'll be not seeing them next year, the next semester i will appreciate every moments with them.

Take me go home

Wanna go Hoomme hooooooooooomeee~~~~~

I WANT GO HOME!!!!!!!

in fact i nearly want to give up accepting my Unimelb Master offer. cuz i'm so sick of leaving my hometown, my little warm house to anywhere....esp Aus so far from Msia....T_T boohooooooo

finally graduated from unimelb as undergraduate
who knows i have to come back again as Master student.

sounds cool
but i'm soooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooooo soooooooooooooooooo SAD to go back.
Damn Homesick
more than i had when i first came Aus.

I thought i wont be having serious homesick after so many years already
but who knows
BOOM

i cant stop.................

Guess cuz it's Master and it's very different from undergraduate.
only max of 4 weeks holiday. and need approval. who knows i get none of them??? and i need to survive through the crazy summer in Aus. noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I need to decide between the crazy summer and CNY. T_T don't force me..............

havent start my Master course i already start thinking bout graduation!
I WANNA fast-forward this TWO YEARS and proceed to graduation!!!! and say GOODBYE to Aus!
I cant wait to say goodbye to this place.
I am not willing to come back anymore....................I don't want to leave my home again!!!!!!!!!!! T_T boohoooooooooooooooooooooo

伤心的一天

不要依赖“修正”。不要太原谅自己每次的过错。
常常对自己说“下次我会做更好”。那只是小时候的事。
长大以后刚要步入社会的时候，没有下次。机会只有一次。
没有练习，只有正式开始和结束。不是不公平，是现实。
自己的不足，既然知道了就赶紧修补，不是期望他人的谅解。
最伤人的不是拒绝，是失望的眼神。就像那句“不要对不起，是我的错。我相信了你。”

喵

我越来越觉得自己像猫~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

喵喵喵

据说
猫有什么变化，人类是很难分得出。
不管它们是开心，伤心，不耐烦，生病等等
主人都很难看的出来

我这个人
有那么多交情很长一段时间的朋友
甚至我家人

好像没有一个能够看得出我的变化

很多时候
我就只是表面上的kixiao
大家都会认为我真的ki xiao

有时候我表面很平静
大家会以为我很镇定
其实我内心澎湃，已经海啸好几遍

就算我内心渴望到要命
我也不会表现得很渴望
甚至很潇洒的说不要紧

这也或许让我生病的时候，看起来不像病人。

生龙活虎
就是我的代表性格吧
再来就是胆大过人

实际上我是个名副其实的胆小鬼

我怕
什么都怕
怕得要命

不过好像没什么人注意过我是个胆小鬼

仔细想想

我认为

大家都不了解我

问问他们就可以知道

我喜欢什么
问再简单一点

我喜欢什么颜色？
什么食物？
什么服装？
什么样的玩具？
什么车？
什么饮料？
什么戏？
什么歌？

大家都会有不一样的答案
然后都不太对

如果有“关于黄诗婷的一切”的考试
我肯定，没有人能够及格。

就像猫那样
主人们都没办法真的了解猫

因为他们都爱自己给猫的性格自己的定义

我的朋友们都喜欢给我的性格定上他们自己认为的定义

也就所以
这世上，没有人，真的懂我是谁。 喵~

舍得

舍得
可以说成
能舍能得

经过时间的冲淡
经过时间的制造

以前一起分享过的思想慢慢不见了
或者说
思想越来越放大

我选择后者

当我和我中学朋友聚一聚
才发现原来我以前没发现过他是这么的想东西

也就所以大家才开始发现
自己的想法和朋友的不同
也就所以之间的距离越来越远

这位朋友呢
我认识得最久
从敌人变朋友
大家都告诉我们
我们俩最后会在一起。故事都是这么说的。

我说...你们又不是我，怎么那么有自信说这种没有理的话？
看吧
我自己比较准
我们现在又闹不合。
或许是我的问题
我不觉得他的玩笑很好笑
因为他随便开的玩笑 给我带来很多的麻烦。
因为其他人都会当真。

也就所以
我们俩之间发生了种种不愉快
其实就我很不愉快
所以我现在当我失去这个朋友

我的性格吧
让大家常常认为我做的所有事都不是认真地
当我block他时，大家也就当我闹闹脾气。
我是认真的
不想看到这个人
因为他经常说些让我不好受的话
他的每一步都踩在我的地雷上
还深深影响我其他朋友对我的想法
也不管我说什么
大家都听不进。
我天生没有说服力吧。

当我失去这个朋友时
我交了个新的好友。
不是普通
是——好友

要当我好友不简单
可是这个朋友本来就不简单
我们两个也就很快的变很好
她的性格和那个chao ah kua可以说是完全相反
跟我有些相似
我最欣赏她的本事和斗志
我喜欢她的正面思想和能量
正是那个抓错奶的chao ah kua没有的

所谓能舍能得
我失去了玩在一起很久了的朋友
交了个新好朋友

这多好。

my first made kimchi

since it's holiday...it's a great time to deal with kimchi!!!! learnt kimchi making from Maangchi's video from youtube!!! so cool!!!! so nice!!!! ya hoooo!!!! hahahaha....smells good.

now waiting for the fermentation to go on...so that i can get really really nice kimchi~~~

and wait for my friends to come back from holiday activities...

deliver to them to share~~~ if my kimchi turns out well. ngehehe...

Still sensitive enough...

Not only can read face for hidden feelings and motives....

I can even sense a person's emotion and thinking over their words....or should say...by reading their response.

I shouldl learn to ignore or use this as my power for my future business strategy?

I don't know...

So many years already...keep reading and reading...and take my steps extremely careful to avoid people get emotionally disturbed

But now I realise there's no need for me to do so.

Cuz most of the people in this world don't give a fuck of what others think and feel

Just live your own way.

People who don't really care bout others but do their best in everything...worried over their own things are the people that live the most freely and have most freedom....

I feel like living that way also...but sometimes I just fail to ignore one's emotion.

And sometimes even get frustrated cuz of that person's emotion.

What the hell...

I should just do whatever I want and feel like doing.

Why should I get upset because a person isn't happy with sth that I'm not involved?

And when friend ask for opinion, I gave critical comments (I'm too honest? Nah...for others, I'm just too kepo) and I can sense the not happy feeling from them.....even though they show no expression or don't reply a word. Well these tells a lot already.

Well...if you wan to ask me, I'll say it out loud....not for the purpose to hurt you. I don't say things that I don't think so...

If you expect nice comments that can make you feel happy...sorry I'm really not the person.

I just can't say pretty words. I just feel it and keep silent when I see sth good. Well...I'll only yell out loud by typing. I won't say such things with my mouth....unless I go crazy and 'lost consciousness'.

Anyway....from now on I'll live my own way...won't consider much for the others. No point to do that.

Friends....pun aneh la....there's no fixed rule to be a friend. Who says friends must share things together? I don't~~~~ hahaha....and I don't feel sorry to my friends who don't know much of my secrets. Cuz i think that's not necessary to maintain a friendship.

As long as we are happy together...we know each other...we contact each other...we chat non stop....

Why bother bout sharing secrets? They do keep secrets from me too~ haha....

さようなら

Comes to end already.

Been in Melbourne for 2 years already

Been studying Japanese for 1.5 years....now has come to end

Every time study early in the morning it just reminds me of how enjoy I study Japanese with hot coffee and nice weather.

Now I don't need to study Japanese

I need to study all science subjects.....

Just feel sad I need to say bye bye to Japanese.

To be honest, those Japanese teachers are so strict but responsible and well organised.

They are the only team of teachers I like in my UNI life.

Last year I sent gift for my sensei - tachi...this year I feel like sending too but lack of time.

Though we didn't interact closely to those two teachers this year as compared to last year..

But I like these two teachers though they are so strict and sounds scary when comes to tests...

Still they are much better than any of my science teachers. I guess because we are much closer...but my science teachers are more distant cuz they are just giving lectures instead of giving small class of tutorials.

Now don't need to care for Japanese just feel a bit sad. A little bit la...

But I think I may go back library borrow the book to get answer for my Japanese book, so that when I want to study them, I can correct the exercises by myself.

Nice breath subjects. The best I had.

Bye bye yo.

Unexpected

I'd been guessing myself to let go things easily

I never expect

I'm still into it after half of the year already.

Though not that strong like before...

Till I thought I had already had it gone from my grab

But now still can sense it sometimes

That it's still within my palm

It's me don't want to let it go

Or it doesn't want to leave?

And what a coincidence that the moment I fall for him I also fall for Jam Hsiao.

And yesterday just found out they are so similar

I fall for him because of Hsiao or I fall for Hsiao because of him?

AAah...whatever

Just like what the others say

KOI is not what you can have theories on, make prediction out of it or know clearly what is happening.

It always happen just like that without you notice.

I guess...thanks to that two i now know what is my taste...LOL

Shy boy with monster inside. A monster who is so kind and cute.

I like weirdos....nice looking weirdos. Haha

傀儡

我从出生就带着艺术气息（这种话能自己说吗？）

只能说可惜了 我成长的环境 是排斥艺术的人事物

我也就从小开始走向 科学

殊不知 这条路才难走

却只让我在21年后才发现

一位自己能驾驭 却被它爬上了我的背

我会走上这条路 放弃我那 异想天开 爱玩线条和颜色 的世界

都是因为 当年对世界没有多少认知 也太多人 期盼着我 走向 科学 这条路

因为 从小 大家 都认为 能进理科班都是聪明的小孩

学校的精英班也都是理科班。

好笑吧

把那些有天份的孩子都忽略了

我算是被大家的期盼推向理科

结果最后自己想要什么也都变得不清楚了

要毕业了。

脚快踏进社会了

开始想想我能干什么

然后发现以我现在的能力

我几乎什么也干不了

只不过是会读书的傀儡罢了

我的天分也只是那么的半天吊

得意了吧

当初你们的期盼 现在变成我的绝望

你们还要看不起我

不管我做得再好 你们永远当我不懂事

没有错

我是不懂事 因为你们一言一语 不断指挥我怎么做事

我都已经不见了我的头 怎么还能希望我懂事？

我只伤心我那白白浪费了的22岁月。

这世界

只有我老爸说得贴切

他说马来西亚仍然没有办法支持搞艺术的人们

有也很难轮到我

生意比较吃香

我不是不听他的话，只是我这个人做生意只能是个给点子的人

不能单独做

会把好处都给别人

还不懂的经营钱财

不懂的怎么把钱存着，然后把钱换钱。

现在也只能继续走前。

听天由命。

我在等待

站好好
准备好

我在等着

对方的 sayonara

我再挥手
鞠躬

走。



可是站太久
等太久

不知道对方到底是有要说bye bye的意思还是没有

我已经没法决定

要走前去
还是上火车到远方去
再也不见面了？

不管是走前去还是离开

我都准备好了

可以不要让我不明白你的意思
自己在那里猜个上下吗？

我还真希望自己可以狠一点
看对方这样
就不要等了

自己推后，鞠躬
离开

向另一个蓝天白云招手去

我想我还在原地前不前，退不退的
是因为
我
看不到
火车前往的那头，

真的有另一片蓝天白云吗？

我在这个世界活了那么久
如果离开了

就像以前的人，把酿了的“女儿红”倒了。全倒了。

原来是个醋坛子

没有想到

会那么不爽到
很不爽————————————————————————！！！

好啦，我中文不好。词穷又怎么样了吗？哼！








如果要让我不高兴
做些我喜欢的事，让我吃醋，你就成功了。

容易吧。


人人觉得我很厉害的样子，很坚硬的样子，很勇士的样子。
殊不知，
我胆小得要命。很容易被击败。更对很多事都不了解，所以没有很厉害。

很多时候，
都是装的。

装很乐观
装很调皮
装很敢玩
装什么都不怕




在做那些事，你亲自测了我的心跳吗？


所以，看到朋友和其他人那么亲
我表面看起来什么都不在乎


可是独处的时候
看着Fb....不会火冒三丈
可是很不爽
超级不爽

可是怪不了什么人
因为别人难道不可以有自己的朋友吗？
跟自己发火也不会过瘾

所以更闷

这火焖着
醋就开始发酵了。
他妈的......

一直都在

我以为飘走了

却在这种时候回来。















本当に…好きですか？
知りません！！！！

累了

五月才来到中间
我感觉已经快结束了。


猛地被功课考试敲击

能熬过我很骄傲。
可是出来的成绩不漂亮
让人骄傲不起来

我在努力完成我的事情
就算我有些勉强

我很讨厌人家说“追你的梦想。学你想学的。做你喜欢做的工作”
没有错
可是这是抛开这世界所说的话

被荆棘不断的磨损你每一寸肌肉组织

听到这种话你只会不屑

我有我喜欢做的事
我有我自己的梦想

可是我也非常清楚明白摆在梦想前端的血淋淋现实


老实说
我看不起
看不见未来问题的存在，然后在当下大声地说出自以为是的自信，最后和问题撞面了，委屈的求救命/诉苦/抱不平。

因为我恰恰相反。
我能瞄多远就多远
不瞄太久
看见了的和没看见的
我都会为了和它们的见面尽可能准备好。
决定了，出发。遇见了，面对。

我不让自己说出“我后悔了”

我其实也讨厌在生活上讨论功课的小细节
感觉还长不大
比这个 比那个

我现在比较处于分享我所知道的
如果别人和我分享的是against的
我不会“你懂屁啊！” 而是，为什么会有这两种对不到的说法？然后好奇想了解这两种说法。

可是常常因为对方的心态，我也被牵着进入那种“我讲的才是对的！”心态。
事后会觉得我他妈的白痴。

现在，
刚刚考完试。
是我痛苦的挤出时间，两天半完成学习的。
自然学的不好。

两个考试
一个感觉还对得起自己

一个感觉太差，不仅对不起自己，也对不起老师们。

两个星期。
赶完了4个Assignment，两个考试。
接下来还有两个Quiz（交给同伴了），两个Assignment，还有speaking test.
最可怕的就是Speaking test
英文speaking test就够让我紧张的了，更何况是才学了一年半的日语。
这个test为什么那么可怕呢？
就是一个被迫学会站起来的小鬼到80岁的ahgong面前演讲。内容包含伟大人物的伟大字语。成语，谚语等等。
好啦，只是比喻。
可是这个Speaking test真的不是
“你好。我是阿黄。我今年20岁。在猫本上学。是马来西亚公民。”
如果我说这个，老师会翻白眼要我回家好好期待我的零分。

不过在继续之前
我需要大量休息。
可是功课截止紧迫，我只好把“大量”转成“爆发”。
就是短暂的“爆发”型休息。

看runningman，玩大战游戏，开fb和朋友聊天。吃yoghurt。睡大觉。

累了，又怎么样？
人生没有 倒退。
没有U turn的选择，有high way的选择。

这条路不是我的“兴趣”
又怎么样？
像你们喜欢说的“只会越来越累”有怎么样？

我已经走到这里了。
多余的话，我真的·一·点·都·不·喜·欢！

ma 2013 nightmare : month of MAY

MAY itself isn't my nightmare
but assignments due date all find their positions in May makes the month a nightmare to me.

2nd week of may :
- bioinformatics report 750 words
- biotechnology assignment 2500 words

biotechnology assignment is the hardest one i have for this semester
because
i've no basic background of business at all
i've no idea what the hell is share price
i've no idea what shareholders are doing
i've no idea what's on the chart showing share prices up and down and up or down in the future?
i've no idea wad's the financial position of a big company (damn it i chose a big company)
i've no idea how to get a solid idea of the structure of the company
i've no idea why they separate into management team and board team?
I'VE SO MANY NO IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


3rd week of may :
- Japanese culture project phase 3 600 words (needa have meeting with members to finish the writing)
- Mid sem test for two biochem subjects
- Food assignment 1000 words

They are quite relaxing if compared to biotech. but that Food assignment.....i haven't started yet. not even touching it. it's about nutritional value of insects to be added into food in Aus.
and the MIDSEM TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uuuggh....
cuz i didn't do well in my previous mid sem test (part one). this coming ones are part two.

4th week of may :
- Food quiz
- molecular assignment 1500 words
- Japanese speaking test (take two weeks. depends on when is my turn)

food quiz is still ok. really can goyang kaki a bit for that quiz.
but the assignment is the standard heavy one though not as heavy as biotech one.
the MOST SCARIEST thing for me is the SPEAKING TEST!!!!!
CUZ IT'S ONE TO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you need to speak fluent japanese language with various vocab and most importantly the grammar!!!!!! to speak like....at least three sentences, which means a short paragraph on a topic.
though there'll be part that teacher ask you questions and you answer...but there's part where you need to speak longer on a topic.
that's so scary.

my speaking test is always the weakest......
i'm so scared of speaking test.
i cant speak nice japanese without a proper script.
i can read well but not speak on my own!!!!

aaaaaaaah!!!!!!

month that full of stress

i'll go through it.
but i want to go through it excellently.

TT_TT

sent ma info

had sent my info....well...my cv to my lecturer to apply for a casual job in the lab.

i don't have a sold aim to wish for.

because

if i get the job, i'm able to get the precious experience, increase my value for my future when i seek for proper job, and get some money which i've always been looking for. how can i not earning money in Aus while most of the students are?

and i was thinking of applying for internship just to get the experience, to increase my value for future. but internship is damn hard to get and since this opportunity comes, why not grab it?

if i didn't get the job, i get back my holiday during year end, so that i can go back to enjoy my most favourite food : Kolo mee (only available in Kuching, Sarawak, Msia).

and i can have crazy fun with my friends. i can celebrate CNY. and i wont need to surfer thru the crazy summer in Aus.

after sending the Cv, just let it be. let ma fate shows the pathway.

and now, focus on my assignments and MST