ma 2013 nightmare : month of MAY

MAY itself isn't my nightmare
but assignments due date all find their positions in May makes the month a nightmare to me.

2nd week of may :
- bioinformatics report 750 words
- biotechnology assignment 2500 words

biotechnology assignment is the hardest one i have for this semester
because
i've no basic background of business at all
i've no idea what the hell is share price
i've no idea what shareholders are doing
i've no idea what's on the chart showing share prices up and down and up or down in the future?
i've no idea wad's the financial position of a big company (damn it i chose a big company)
i've no idea how to get a solid idea of the structure of the company
i've no idea why they separate into management team and board team?
I'VE SO MANY NO IDEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


3rd week of may :
- Japanese culture project phase 3 600 words (needa have meeting with members to finish the writing)
- Mid sem test for two biochem subjects
- Food assignment 1000 words

They are quite relaxing if compared to biotech. but that Food assignment.....i haven't started yet. not even touching it. it's about nutritional value of insects to be added into food in Aus.
and the MIDSEM TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! uuuggh....
cuz i didn't do well in my previous mid sem test (part one). this coming ones are part two.

4th week of may :
- Food quiz
- molecular assignment 1500 words
- Japanese speaking test (take two weeks. depends on when is my turn)

food quiz is still ok. really can goyang kaki a bit for that quiz.
but the assignment is the standard heavy one though not as heavy as biotech one.
the MOST SCARIEST thing for me is the SPEAKING TEST!!!!!
CUZ IT'S ONE TO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you need to speak fluent japanese language with various vocab and most importantly the grammar!!!!!! to speak like....at least three sentences, which means a short paragraph on a topic.
though there'll be part that teacher ask you questions and you answer...but there's part where you need to speak longer on a topic.
that's so scary.

my speaking test is always the weakest......
i'm so scared of speaking test.
i cant speak nice japanese without a proper script.
i can read well but not speak on my own!!!!

aaaaaaaah!!!!!!

month that full of stress

i'll go through it.
but i want to go through it excellently.

TT_TT

sent ma info

had sent my info....well...my cv to my lecturer to apply for a casual job in the lab.

i don't have a sold aim to wish for.

because

if i get the job, i'm able to get the precious experience, increase my value for my future when i seek for proper job, and get some money which i've always been looking for. how can i not earning money in Aus while most of the students are?

and i was thinking of applying for internship just to get the experience, to increase my value for future. but internship is damn hard to get and since this opportunity comes, why not grab it?

if i didn't get the job, i get back my holiday during year end, so that i can go back to enjoy my most favourite food : Kolo mee (only available in Kuching, Sarawak, Msia).

and i can have crazy fun with my friends. i can celebrate CNY. and i wont need to surfer thru the crazy summer in Aus.

after sending the Cv, just let it be. let ma fate shows the pathway.

and now, focus on my assignments and MST

sense the danger

when someone suddenly comes out with some action/idea
they're on something secretly.

they will do many things to dig out something they're interested in

omg................

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

i shouldn't say them out loud!

should give up

thinking of wad i'm going to do...

i might not be able to go back hometown like what i said to friends before i left.
i might not be going back for 2 years continuously.

why?
i'm going to write my CV and send to my lecturer, applying for a "part time" job in the famous biochem institute.
if i get the job, it might starts in june or july....
then it'll take one year.

this takes up my winter and summer holiday. till the next winter holiday.
and i don't think i'm going back during winter holiday.

let's assume i'm going back every year end.
skipping this year end. it takes me two years to another year end.

just like what i said
i might take two years not going back
not seeing my friends
not having fun with my lovely PA gp members
not having kolomee (my most favourite kuching food)

and if i continue to Master program

i'll take another two years to stay in Aus. but for sure i'll go back...i think
cuz i don't have any plan for year end yet.
and i will try to avoid any plan that falls on that duration.

i want go back.
i want faidi go back.

anyway...talk back to the topic

though i said i'll let the feeling fade out
but
it seems like i tak rela to let it go

but these days...
a while happy a while thinking we might have future
a while thinking we don't have future
so let go.

now...it seems like i should really let go....

I'm actually a coward

After telling some girl-friends bout my story....
they all have the same reaction
"TELL HIM!"

BUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i DONT DARE TO DO THAT!

I....I.... that day i did it because of some special reasons.
after that, it's like i'd exploded. and so...no more next time. that's the only one time.

i'm not going to do that again.
no matter how many ask me to do it.

i'll die doing that.
it's the same like asking me to jump from the highest building in this world.

no way.
i don't want to do that.
I DONT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'll rather keep this thing in my heart till it fades out!!!!!

Ok i admit it...

i admit.....i.........

i............erm..........

i like someone.
and i thought i'd already forgotten him.

but recently....when talked bout this topic with a friend in uni...
and when i saw someone looks very similar to him

i realize i haven't forgotten him.

ok now i know it's so hard to forget someone.
it's so easy for me to forget one thing...
but probably because i can remember a person without name easily and forever.

cuz till now i still can remember the best friends i had from kindergarten time. just that i'd forgotten their names.
but i remember them.


my friend suggested me to tell him face-to-face bout my feeling.

i don't dare.

i seems like a BRAVE WARRIOR but actually i'm just a coward.
i do everything, prepare everything before hand. if i dun prepare i cant do it.
i wont do it.

i.......
i just can't say it out even whisper...in front of him.

i've decided to let it fade out.
but it seems like it's undergoing some "chemical" reaction and turning into vinegar or alcohol....
the so-called fermentation reaction.

this probably is my first time ever.

till now i'm not pretty sure what exactly is "Like" or "Love" yet
i'm confuse.

i'm not sure if i like a person because he's fun to be together with
or i really like the person, tat's why i feel fun to be with him?
or i like this guy because he's a great friend?
or i just fall in love?

i'd been busy figuring out these things but time passed and nth come out.
so i assume i treat those nice friends really as good friends.
but this guy... i think come to realise i'm actually purely liking him?

he did nothing good on me. he doesnt treat me presents or wadever ....sth good. (and i dun like a person just because they treat me good.)
we just had lots of fun.

at first i tot i like him just because we had lots of fun. like friends.
then i think of him everyday.
get excited to see him.

now then i fly to AUS.
i tot i'll forget him
but it's the opposite.
there's few moments i din think bout him.
but then i miss him again. i used to miss him once a week.
then days....then everyday.

i don't feel torturing with this.
i don't feel wad the others described on fb. say it's torturing to like someone which nth is in return. it's so sad....bla bla bla...sounds so emo. l0l
i only get emo b4 my period starts and after it ends.

considering this...i doubt myself if i really likes him?

i don't want to care anymore. but i keep thinking bout him when i was having class. tat's so annoying. anyway....if i'm not thinking bout him i'll be thinking bout food. i just can't concentrate fully during classes. = =zzz


well..i never tell my jimuisss bout this. ahaha
hmmm...we just happen to not sharing this kind of things with each other?
we might tell "hey. i got a boyfriend" but we don't tell detailed stories.....
err...maybe Lyss will tell some....but not me. not Jodi. ahahaha. Jodi will share some experience.

but me....i'll rather keep my privacy. ahahaha. hehehe. actually i kept lots of secrets.
obviously...cuz Lyss and Sarina are the ones talk the most. Jodi and I talk craziness.
itu maciam.

anyway...i might not tell my jimui once i got a bf. ahahahaha.....maybe few days later....or weeks...or before i get married? ahahaha....but i have to be able to reach that stage first. = =zzz

i'm not desperate for pakto like some guy used to be in my friend list.
i'm just waiting for this long-waiting "thing" comes to me.
i used to say i don't care if it doesn't come.
but think bout my future...i'm a little bit scared.
i don't want to stay alone till 80.
even now i can feel how sad when nobody invites me out because they're busy with their partners. cuz my two sisters owes DID TAT ON ME! damn it.and they DRIVE AWAY CARS! i can't drive my dad's car! - -zzzz and i can't stand to stay at home nothing to do! i'm already no more the age to stay at home, infront of laptop doing fb! gaaaaaaaaaah

well....i'm the kind that has to wait a bit longer cuz itu fate saya.

i tot......?!

i thought my rising sign was Pisces and my moon sign was Scorpion

so it weren't that two!

it's Aries and Aquarius!
= =...double A is nice but aquarius?????????????????????

no wonder i so emo sometimes...l0l
and Aries....?
ok....i am so "bursting out" suddenly and dun hide my anger...

- -"

ok........................................................................................


wadever. just be myself.