Ok i admit it...

i admit.....i.........

i............erm..........

i like someone.
and i thought i'd already forgotten him.

but recently....when talked bout this topic with a friend in uni...
and when i saw someone looks very similar to him

i realize i haven't forgotten him.

ok now i know it's so hard to forget someone.
it's so easy for me to forget one thing...
but probably because i can remember a person without name easily and forever.

cuz till now i still can remember the best friends i had from kindergarten time. just that i'd forgotten their names.
but i remember them.


my friend suggested me to tell him face-to-face bout my feeling.

i don't dare.

i seems like a BRAVE WARRIOR but actually i'm just a coward.
i do everything, prepare everything before hand. if i dun prepare i cant do it.
i wont do it.

i.......
i just can't say it out even whisper...in front of him.

i've decided to let it fade out.
but it seems like it's undergoing some "chemical" reaction and turning into vinegar or alcohol....
the so-called fermentation reaction.

this probably is my first time ever.

till now i'm not pretty sure what exactly is "Like" or "Love" yet
i'm confuse.

i'm not sure if i like a person because he's fun to be together with
or i really like the person, tat's why i feel fun to be with him?
or i like this guy because he's a great friend?
or i just fall in love?

i'd been busy figuring out these things but time passed and nth come out.
so i assume i treat those nice friends really as good friends.
but this guy... i think come to realise i'm actually purely liking him?

he did nothing good on me. he doesnt treat me presents or wadever ....sth good. (and i dun like a person just because they treat me good.)
we just had lots of fun.

at first i tot i like him just because we had lots of fun. like friends.
then i think of him everyday.
get excited to see him.

now then i fly to AUS.
i tot i'll forget him
but it's the opposite.
there's few moments i din think bout him.
but then i miss him again. i used to miss him once a week.
then days....then everyday.

i don't feel torturing with this.
i don't feel wad the others described on fb. say it's torturing to like someone which nth is in return. it's so sad....bla bla bla...sounds so emo. l0l
i only get emo b4 my period starts and after it ends.

considering this...i doubt myself if i really likes him?

i don't want to care anymore. but i keep thinking bout him when i was having class. tat's so annoying. anyway....if i'm not thinking bout him i'll be thinking bout food. i just can't concentrate fully during classes. = =zzz


well..i never tell my jimuisss bout this. ahaha
hmmm...we just happen to not sharing this kind of things with each other?
we might tell "hey. i got a boyfriend" but we don't tell detailed stories.....
err...maybe Lyss will tell some....but not me. not Jodi. ahahaha. Jodi will share some experience.

but me....i'll rather keep my privacy. ahahaha. hehehe. actually i kept lots of secrets.
obviously...cuz Lyss and Sarina are the ones talk the most. Jodi and I talk craziness.
itu maciam.

anyway...i might not tell my jimui once i got a bf. ahahahaha.....maybe few days later....or weeks...or before i get married? ahahaha....but i have to be able to reach that stage first. = =zzz

i'm not desperate for pakto like some guy used to be in my friend list.
i'm just waiting for this long-waiting "thing" comes to me.
i used to say i don't care if it doesn't come.
but think bout my future...i'm a little bit scared.
i don't want to stay alone till 80.
even now i can feel how sad when nobody invites me out because they're busy with their partners. cuz my two sisters owes DID TAT ON ME! damn it.and they DRIVE AWAY CARS! i can't drive my dad's car! - -zzzz and i can't stand to stay at home nothing to do! i'm already no more the age to stay at home, infront of laptop doing fb! gaaaaaaaaaah

well....i'm the kind that has to wait a bit longer cuz itu fate saya.